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I often watch as women try to get their partners and family to help them enough so they can create time for their self-care. Meeting resistance, they throw up their hands and simply give up. Not anymore. With my Power Mind Principles (from my book Body for Life for Women), you stand your ground and make it work, one way or the other. You realize that youre not being selfish. Self is not a four letter word! Youre just honoring your self. Youre creating life giving balance. So, lets see what Power Mind Principle #9 (Fight for your right to self care) has in store for you.
Heres a newsflash. No one is going to book your gym time for you. No one is going to shop and buy that chicken breast and grill it for you. And no one is going to offer to watch the kids while you work out at the gym, and then treat yourself to a matinee. If you dont plan and do it for yourself, it isnt going to happen.
First, develop your own mission statement. Knowing your mission of improving your own health teaches you to establish boundaries, draw the line in the sand, and say, This is my time, and Im here to defend it. Youre on your treadmill and the phone rings. Thats why God made voice mail: it can wait! Your self-care cant.
To cure a chronic case of yes-it is, or helium hand (which means that you keep raising your hand and volunteering to do whatever anyone throws your way), heres what to do the next time youre asked to do something that you cant or dont want to do.
1. Ask yourself, Will saying yes further my mission statement? If youve already volunteered for countless PTA fundraisers in the past year, do you really need to take on another? Must you really show up for a neighborhood meeting on selecting flower beds for the subdivision entrance? But, if someone says hey, lets take a walk in the park, then your answer yes!
2. If the answer is no, say in a calm and caring tone, Im so sorry, but that doesnt work for me right now. Maybe next time. Its about honoring your self care right along with all of your other obligations. Dont keep falling off your own radar screen. You deserve the right to maintain your own nurturing.
Now, once youve said either yes or no, stick to it! With grace and elegance, be assertive with anyone who tries to dissuade you from your own self care. Be courteous but definite, short and sweet, and try not to get into a lengthy debate. For that matter, change the subject as soon as you can. Stick to your guns, ladies!
Okay. Lets review. What will you say the next time your teenage daughter walks in and tries to interrupt your walk on the treadmill to talk about yet another speed bump in her roller coaster relationship with her on again off again boyfriend?
Im sorry honey, but this is my exercise time. Well talk about this after I finish.
Ah, sweet music to my earsand it will be to yours, too.
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