Peeke Blog

hmmm....where to start?  it's been an emotional week.  My husband and I went out to dinner, during which he proceeded to tell me that he does want to go ahead with our divorce (we had been talking about reconciling).  I was upset and lost my willpower - and I had some potatoes au gratin and felt guilty about it for a few days. 

I'm not getting to the gym as much as I need to, which isn't because of any outside forces. It's simply because I'm not sleeping well and always feel so tired. I've removed 23 pounds which is great, I know, but not where I want to be.  Tried on some of my skinny girl clothes over the weekend and I still have a ways to go before I'll be comfortable in them.  but i AM cleaning out my closet in preparation to move to a new place in a month, and I'm getting rid of all my 'big girl clothes', as I call them. So that means all the 14's and 16's will be tossed.  i MISS my hottie clothes and really hope I  can wear more of them in a few more months. 

As far as overall eating habits, i AM proud of myself there.  Still haven't given in and gone to taco bell....and coming home from a night out on Friday, I was pretty hungry - but instead of stopping to get fast food, I went home and had some crackers and cheese before bed. There have been many times over the past week that I wanted to order a pizza or some Chinese food...but I resisted. 

It does depress me some to think that I'll need to be 'this way' for the rest of my life...that, because of my age, I can't enjoy things like I used to.  But, in so many cases in the past, I ate because I was sad, not because I  was hungry.  I'm still not completely able to look at food as strictly fuel and not comfort, but it's only been 4-5 months that I've been on this new journey. And I think I just need more time. 

I'm also a bit worried about not being able to afford my trainer.  My new place will strap me a bit and I don't think I'll be able to afford the personal training sessions...and I'm afraid that if I'm not seeing Scott twice a week, I'll lose my motivation. I do great on the days when we train but then I have a hard time getting myself to the gym the other days of the week. 

So while I feel like I'm making good strides with my nutrition, I need to do the same with my cardio.  I've been slacking and am really mad at myself.